Dog-sitting, from the perspective of Sam, the misanthropic terrier


I dogsat/housesat for my best friend about a week ago.  The following is an account of those 4 days from the perspective of one of the 2 dogs.  One dog, Pete, is extraverted and believes he’s a roommate, not a dog.  The other is Sam, tactical biped extermination device.  This is from Sam’s perspective.

Day 1: Humans arrive with supplementary biped in tow. This is unacceptable. Growling failed to register my intent to murder excess biped.  Hope indigenous humans make it leave soon.

Six hours later:  OMG, the indigenous humans have left the superfluous biped behind. I don’t have thumbs. I can’t call 911 and no amount of barking seems to deter the biped’s continued occupation of the domicile.  If I can trick it into opening the door to my secret bunker, it will never see my next step coming.  At least it stares at the same thing on the wallbox as the indigenous humans do.

12 hours into occupation:  It isn’t going away.  Door to bunker is opened, but I can’t close it without cutting myself off to vital food and toilet resources.  WHAT IS IT DOING IN THERE?  That room is explicitly marked off for me to nap and now it has biped all over it.  Gross!  And the traitor, Pete, seems to know this biped.  This is unacceptable. I’ll deal with him later.

Day 2: Will this hell ever end?  The biped makes water appear and that’s useful and it seems to sneak Pete some illicit foodstuffs.  This is probably the key to its treachery. The food is obviously drugged.  It’s still no excuse for his betrayal of our brotherhood. But his punishment shall be merciful.

Day 3: The indigenous humans have obviously been evicted by the superfluous biped.

//insert nervous breakdown//

Day 3.5 Oh God.  This will not end. Life is bleak. There is no ho— what is that?  IT’S THE INDIGENOUS HUMANS! HOLY CRAP! THEY’RE BACK!  I shall bark incessantly to show them I never abandoned my post.  This biped is history!

Day 4: It isn’t gone.  I think they plan to keep it.  It’s still sleeping in my napping room.  Life as we know it is over.

This is where the record ends as I did, indeed, go home.  But Sam continued to look at Pete like a traitor for cuddling up next to me when I wasn’t feeling well.  That’s just Not Done in Sam’s world.


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