Fake Pageant Daughters Are Hard

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Seriously.

First, I forgot to mention in the last post that Audreya submitted the name for precious P.I.G., so she wins godmotherhood of the fake toddler (blogmotherhood?).  Anyway, whatever it is, she wins it. And the poll closed on her birthday, so double yay!

I looked at glitz photos — which are apparently a SUPER must have, not just a regular must have like every single other thing.  And instead of getting them airbrushed, I’m really thinking I’m just gonna have my toddler spackled and repainted.  That way she’s probably even weatherproofed.  Seems responsible because I tallied up how much of the fake budget I’m spending on something called a cupcake dress and holy wow, folks.  Fake pageant toddlers are investments.  I don’t want mine to …rust… or whatever toddlers do. Do they go off?  Maybe I should read up on that….

Speaking of that dress, though, I went to pintrest and created a board because I’m a responsible fake pageant toddler mom and that’s what you DO.  But there just are not enough rhinestones.  Seriously, not a single one of those poof-butt dresses will sear your retinas under traditional stage lighting and that just will not do. So I’m going to Hobby Lobby (because obviously that’s where Jesus would shop) and buying up all the rhinestones.

Is it illegal to affix the bling directly to the kid?  I mean, I’m not gonna use hot glue.  That’s just stupid and won’t last anyway.

I was thinking epoxy….

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