…That’s a Thing?

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I was just going through my Twitter list like a normal human being and then all of a sudden, there’s Marianne talking about shapeshifter porn. The particular one was about cuttlefish.  Now, maybe I’m just biased, but CUTTLEFISH ARE NOT SEXY!  Want me to prove it to you?  FINE.

THIS is a cuttlefish! It IS NOT SEXY.

THIS is a cuttlefish! It IS NOT SEXY.

Now do you understand?  Because this is one of the least bizarre pictures I could find.  Let me tell you the things you need to know in order to realize that sex with a cuttlefish can only end in tears:  1. Tentacles. 2. Aquatic creature. 3. SUCKERS. 4. Ink-squirting.

Tell me how any of that winds up with anything more than regret and a bottle of cheap vodka? (Though to be fair, it probably started that way.)

But I had lots of questions because apparently the shapeshifter porn is a whole genre, which means that there are people writing about all kinds of creatures.

Do both parties shapeshift? Or do you suddenly have to learn to grapple with a cloaca?  And should anyone ever really be expected to grapple with a cloaca?  I thought sex was probably complicated enough with matching species.  I don’t really think there should be a pop quiz in anatomy involved.  Maybe I’m old fashioned.  But really, what happens if you end up with something reptilian?  What do you do with bifurcated boy bits?  And what’s more? If I googled it, I’m pretty sure someone could tell me.

But this brings me back to the original question I had:  WHY AM I PONDERING THE ANATOMICALLY PROBLEMATIC NATURE OF SHAPESHIFTER EROTICA?

I felt really dumb when she pointed out that they shift into humans.

I kinda feel cheated.

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3 responses »

  1. Pingback: It’s Sportsball Season Again | Typically Hazardous

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