THIS IS NOT A CHALLENGE

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I love terrible movies. Ridiculous horror movies are a natural antidepressant for me because as I’ve said before, no matter how terrible I feel, at least I’m not being stalked by preternatural corn demons. And some movies are terrible enough to be wonderful. Just look at the joy Sharknado brought Twitter last week! But then there are movies like Birdemic. I’m not even going to review it. I’m just gonna warn you away for your own good. Just say no. This is not a challenge. It is 1.5 hours of stilted dialogue & improbability that you will never get back. It makes Sharknado look like a science documentary. So instead of a review, I’ll leave you with this:

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3 responses »

  1. I thought Birdemic was hilariously bad, but I can understand the sentiment of warning people to not watch it ever (Great drawing, by the way! Your birds look a lot better than the ones in Birdemic!). I’m not going to argue that this was a great movie (because it definitely was not), but I will say that I had a lot of fun with this one. It was just incredible to see how many things could be done poorly in terms of…every aspect of film-making. I had a similar kind of enjoyment one late night while watching Pet Sematary II on cable TV. Sometimes those kinds of movies are re-assuring like “Even I could make a movie better than that!” Of course, I did see both of these movies for free (Birdemic is on Neflix streaming), so I probably would have been mad to pay money to rent this.

    • I watched with a friend and we had a lot of fun mocking everything. It was unbelievably bad. The first hour of this thing was “awkward creeper goes on a date” and then FINALLY there’s a birdemic and they’re hilariously bad, don’t do anything remotely birdlike and the resolution is “well, guess they got bored” and the protagonists drive off into the sunset with two recently acquired traumatized kids. I had more fun trying to figure out the after story, honestly. There was no evidence this was a global thing — it was all very local. I’m pretty sure half the driving scenes were the same scene, but it was hard to tell from the camera tilt.

      It was hilariously bad, but it was also painful to get through the first hour without wondering why she didn’t just call the cops. One thing I learned, though: sex involves men wearing jeans and women wearing bikinis and then kind of awkwardly reverse spooning in hotels.

      The universe of the birdemic is a really, really strange one. I guess in that kind of world, you kind of have to hope that murderous CGI will induce strokes in everyone and burn down forests ’cause otherwise, you’re never gonna wind up with offspring…..

      • The thing I remember most about the creeper date was how the background music kept cutting when they’d switch angles between the creeper and the girl. It reminded me of when I was a kid and I’d make stop-motion short movies with a non-digital camcorder. I tried adding music to one just by playing music in the background while I was making it and, of course, I got the same effect they got in this movie where the music would keep jumping around from the cuts.

        Yeah, extremely local, like in their heads local. They were acting like it was the end of the world while other people/cars were going about their business calmly in the background.

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