Monthly Archives: August 2013

So you’re 34, today, huh?

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“So, what are you doing for the big day?”

“Drawing, playing Pottermore and eating cake!”

“…”

Seriously, if you ask me, your birthday should be last in the list of days on which you’re expected to behave like a grownup.

For my birthday, I’m about to go hang out with my brother, SIL and nieces. But when I was 16, I embraced the idea of a birthday month. So on Wednesday, I am going to do stuff with my best friends in the universe. And until sometime in mid-September, I’m going to act exactly as mature as I feel, which is more like the sum of 3 and 4 than the actual age 34.

ETA:  My spate of acting 7 is to blame for blog lag this week.  Sorry.  I’ve been really random.  But I’ll be back, possibly with pictures of cake. Or something.  ❤

Yes, But That’s Stupid

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That’s what I WANTED to say on a FB post earlier, one that reminded me why I normally like to pretend that FB doesn’t exist. This one was about something forgettable, but I realized I want to say it a LOT when I’m on Facebook.  Twitter, on the other hand, is full of brilliant and witty people with whom I actually engage in useful discussions.  Social media is awesome, except when it sucks.

Moving on, though, to the real crux of this post.  It’s about Google.

Listen, Google. You do great work. You’re really good at what you’re good at.  Hell, I’m even using Chrome right now on my Mac because you nailed the browser thing. Nailed it. I was a beta tester for gmail. Remember those days?  Back when people had to use hotmail or Yahoo! just to talk to each other? Dark days, my friend. But then there was Gmail. There was light. And 1GB of space. I know that sounds silly now that you’ve given us, what, 15GB? And Google Drive? I even briefly considered acquiring a Chromebook at some point in the future before my iThings ganged up on me and threatened my survival. Anyway, I’m just saying that there are things you are really good at and you should stick to those things.

This is the awkward part, though.

You’re known for creative thinking. Innovation. Doing stuff in a different way.  That’s why I was really sad to see the Google Doodle on Monday.  I mean, I almost didn’t even mention it because, let’s face it, I’m afraid you’ll take away my data or something. You hold the power in this relationship.  But remember last week when I invented the Quantum Reactive Schröedinger’s  Pie cult? Last week. Like, before Monday.

Okay, I know I didn’t invent Schröedinger or the idea of quanta reacting differently on observation, but I did draw pictures about it. Like… three of them. Maybe it was two. I don’t know, Google; I’ve had a couple Klonopin smoothies since then and it’s a bit of a blur.  But the thing is Monday, I saw this:

You and I both know what you did. Is this a cry for help?

You and I both know what you did. Is this a cry for help?

Really, Google, you could at least have been subtle about it.  This is just blatant. I really feel like maybe you need to talk to someone. Have you called your mother? Google, we can get through this, but you have to stop cribbing off my blog. Just admit you have a problem and, I don’t know, Google something. See? That’s another thing you’re good at.  You don’t have to keep following me online.  It’s a little creepy, sometimes, really.  I’m sorry. It just had to be said.  I think we might need some time apart — except for email and searching and browsing and storing things online, I mean. But all that other time?  Yeah.  I need space.

It’ll be okay, Google.  But I’m not letting you borrow my iPad again.

 

I really don’t think that’s a good idea.

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I’m spending some of the time my brain hates me brushing up on languages I used to be really good at. Specifically, I’m working on my Spanish and my German skills. At the same time. Because I’m an idiot. (Also because they are two different families – Romantic & Germanic – and don’t have a lot of overlap in areas that would be confusing, such as if I were doing Spanish and Portugues, French, Italian or any of those other languages with fewer than 9,000 declensions per verb form.)

Originally, it was a little bit depressing because it showed me how much I’ve forgotten. But then I started getting into it and realized I hadn’t forgotten as much as I thought.

Still, I think the people writing the lessons might be on crack. I’m pretty sure that horses aren’t supposed to eat bread and that making a duck drink milk might actually be a felony in some states…. They also reminded me that the soldiers aren’t green, the baker will not dance and that my mother is not a priest. They have some strong opinions.

But who knows? Maybe ducks really LIKE milk and I just never noticed because I’m lactose intolerant. Wow. Way to be self-absorbed AND enzyme deficient, me.

I do know how to tell you a straight up lie in German. It involves children happily eating onions. I also had to declare repeatedly in both languages that I am a man. (I’m not. That I know of, at least. Shit. Maybe this language program knows something I don’t and is just waiting till I’m fluent enough for them to spring it on me that I’m a dude and just never noticed. Way to make me paranoid, LANGUAGE!)

Dammit.

Oh well.  I fully expect to be bilingual by the end of the week. That’s realistic, right?

Let’s Be Honest…

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You guys are just here for the stick figures, right?

(By the way, 13 hour naps? Awesome. I advise 3/day. You might need a time turner.)

To be entirely too honest and realistic for a blog like this, I’m depressed at the moment, so stick figures may be a bit in short supply for a few updates. But I’ll keep updating because I have lots of snark. And a laptop. And Netflix. I think it’s impossible not to blog if you have those three ingredients. Pretty sure it was the earliest alchemical recipe.

So while I have no idea what I’ll be writing about here or whether there will be funny pictures, I do know that I’ll be writing and, sooner or later, there will be funny pictures again.  Right now I’d try to draw a picture of being depressed and that’s really just a lot like the picture of me melting in the heat.  It’s kind of a me puddle.

So the me puddle is gonna try not to melt into the bed beyond recovery and the you puddle can go along doing whatever you’re doing this weekend and next week we’ll see if we’re less puddly, deal?

I’d make you shake on it, but I don’t know you that well.

Also, I want a pretzel dog from Sonic. Just thought you should know.

Hello, Saturday!

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I’m having a weird brain day. I should be writing, but I really, really just want to nap. I know the last 2 weeks have had sketchy updates at best. Sorry ’bout that. I promise I’ll be back to drawing goofy stuff soon and reviewing movies you should already have seen by now.

Other than starting butt o’clock pie-centric cults (which may or may not exist), I am really thinking today’s a good day for a nap.

Naps are cool, right? Like … a 13 hour nap is still totally okay as a grownup, right? Because next week, I get a year older and I kinda need to know because people keep looking at me like I’m a grownup and it kinda freaks me out…

Besides, it’s raining. I’m pretty sure even Jesus takes long naps when it’s raining. Really. I think I remember reading that in the Bible somewhere.

So I’m declaring today International (hell, make it Inter-dimensional), pan-universal nap day.

You’re welcome.

Now go to sleep.

Pretty sure this should have some tags somewhere, but I’m trying out MarsEdit and since it’s not immediately obvious where they are, I’m going to assume they no longer exist. So if you can’t find out about pan-galactic nap day because there are no tags and you miss it? Blame MarsEdit. Not me.

‘Cause I’ll be napping.

It seemed like a good idea at the time…

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I live in Mordor, but I’m pretty sure I heard ice giants on the move….

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I Don’t Know How It Happened….

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So I was gonna blog about the whole twitter silence thing that I didn’t participate in for reasons. But I can’t do that thing right now because I FELL DOWN THE PRETTY LITTLE LIARS RABBIT HOLE.

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Sorry?